After The Show October 12/13 with Marisa Calvi

It was so much fun having Marisa back on Talking Stick Radio last night!  Click this link to be taken directly to the show.  I so loved hearing Marisa talk about her experience writing each of the books, and how each book and each experience and each expression of Kuthumi has been so different.  I was so glad she talked about Pythagoras and how writing the book with him was all about the mind, how sometimes she’d sit down to write and nothing would come, and it would be like he was saying “no, not today, not in the mood.”  That’s very reassuring to me and now I realize that that’s who I’ve been channeling all along, hoping for their help writing my books:  I’ve been channeling the spooks who EVERY day show up and say “nope, not today, not in the mood.”  Well, come ON, guys.

Maybe they’ve all been on silent vipassana meditation for more than ten days — maybe more like ten years.

Maybe I need to find different guys…hmmm…not-so-silent guys…

But I digress.

I loved hearing Marisa talk about how thoroughly she got distracted, once she started the book she most wanted to write, the story of the three wise men, how she had to go traveling here and there, and then work more to make more money to pay for all the travel, which made her then too tired to write…what an amazing creation.

The story of how she confronted the distraction with Norma’s help is also amazing and helpful to hear, and I’ll invite anyone reading this to listen to Marisa tell that story on the show.  What came up for Marisa and why she was distracting herself so successfully while not writing the book was that she was one of the characters in the book, and that character had unfinished business with Kuthumi.  There was still work for Marisa to do with that aspect of herself.  That very wounded part of herself, she was successfully keeping at bay.

Then I talked about integrating a powerful aspect last Friday evening while a tornado went through eastern Nebraska.  I talked about it on my show last week, and if readers would like to listen to that show, it’s here.  Marisa talked about integrating aspects, telling them “Thank you, but here we are now, and this is how we’re choosing to experience it now.”  And I can tell myself now, “I’m safe from everything that could possibly affect me in this experience.”

What I really wanted to talk with Marisa about was that huge aspect that’s been dominating my life in a big way for the past ten or so years:  I refuse to deal with numbers, money, invoices, bookkeeping, anything along those lines.  This is not a good thing because I run my own business!  When it’s time to do those things SO MUCH resistance comes up.  What GIVES?!

Marisa talked about how habitual the patterns have become, about breaking the patterns, and about being in the moment and being present.  Is it serving me to resist numbers?  Do I want that aspect to continue running my life?  Is that my choice?

Marisa took a few questions from listeners, one about how she started channeling Kuthumi, and she told the whole story about Kuthumi coming to her and saying “Let’s go for a walk” and she said “Yes.”  She never doubted her connection with Kuthumi because she could feel it.

Norma & Garrett encouraged Marisa at the very beginning to channel herself.  I asked Marisa how she channeled herself, how she started.  It’s the breath.  Connecting with the breath gets you beyond the mind, into the space where you can know in an instant the yes or no, because it’s “what feels right for me now.”

And I loved when Marisa shared about the lost years of Yeshua, how before he could come back as a teacher, he had to stop preaching and talking, and listen to himself and others and listen to and honor his own inner wisdom.  And it’s one thing to channel another entity; it’s also important to honor the fact that when Marisa channels Kuthumi, what comes out is “Marisa/Kuthumi”, and other Kuthumi channelers will bring their own selves and their own inner wisdom into the channeling with Kuthumi as well.

What to do about integrating aspects?  Marisa talked with a caller about integrating aspects.  No matter how overwhelming it seems, keep breathing and keep coming back to yourself.  It takes time; it’s an evolution and an expansion.

You don’t just integrate aspects, you also create aspects — and now they’re created in a balanced space, not only as the result of a traumatic experience.  The choice we have now:  how am I going to experience that beautiful, never-ending experience of creating and integrating aspects?

Listening to Marisa’s perspective about “who was this person in the book?” — who was I in this book, who was my past life, was expansive. And also Marisa will not get into questions when channeling Kuthumi in private sessions about where the person should live, because Kuthumi gets her in trouble when she does that!

Aspect integration is not about going out there and struggling and feeling overwhelmed with all the aspects that are trying to be in control:  it’s as simple as giving yourself time to breathe.  It’s about “I really choose to be here and dive into the experience.”  Take the time to breathe and say “I don’t just want to be here; I want to be here as grand as I can be.  I can choose to be here and be aware.”  And to our aspects we can say “Come and join the party and let’s have fun now.”

Thanks so much to Marisa for speaking about her experience of integrating that aspect that didn’t want her to finish the book until it received the proper attention from her.  Hearing about her experience was very helpful to me and gives me great perspective on what’s going on with some of my own resistant behavior — and no doubt, the resistant behavior I see in others in the meetings I hold.

To find Marisa’s books or contact her for a session, go to her website:

Until next time!


After The Show With Brenda


Update from last week’s show:  we now have The New in our world!

Last week I talked about the huge tree that was taken down in my little town, so near where I live, and how they’d cleared the space to look like it wasn’t there and had never even *been* there; I wondered what would come next.  Would there be a new tree planted?  Would it be left bare?  Would it be left as a place for weeds to grow?

I got my answer yesterday, and took a picture of this sweet little newly-planted tree that might be a cottonwood tree; its leaves are heart-shaped.

So “The New” is here and planted already where the old was just removed, and it seemed like a pretty effortless transition.  There is no sign of what was once there, that 100-foot-tall tree with the trunk at least 5 feet in diameter at the base.  What a great metaphor.

And Kona has peed on it twice now, officially baptizing it.  So all is well.

Other stuff I noticed from this past week:  snakes; a snake theme — and snakes symbolize transformation and transition.  This morning it was misty, cloudy, overcast, very cool, had just rained a little, and seemed fresh, cleared, and kind of open, receptive and “expectant.”  It seems winter is coming early.  What came to me this morning was that we’re all in this together; look for pleasant surprises; expect the unexpected; don’t assume tomorrow will be like yesterday, or that this season or this year will be like last season or last year.  Predictability is not going to be a factor anymore.


Brenda was my guest today at Talking Stick Radio — just click on the link here and it will take you directly to the show.  Brenda just returned from a Vipassana meditation retreat where she spent 10 days in silence.

First she talked about the movie she watched, “Dharma Brothers,” and how that inspired her to look into this whole idea of going on a Vipassana retreat.

Next she described how everything was set up, how the days were organized, what their schedule was like.  Truly, if you’ve ever wondered what a Vipassana retreat would be like or think you might like to do this, it’s worth listening to her description.  She lays it all out pretty thoroughly — and would be happy to answer anyone’s questions about it.  People with questions can email her directly at and she’ll be happy to respond directly.

Vipassana, she said, means “to see things as they really are.”  What you see “as it really is” is yourself.  The ten days is about looking at yourself, for what you really are.

Every night during the ten days of silence they watched a video, taped in 1991, called a “discourse,” where the originator of Vipassana does some teaching.  Some of the information shared during the discourse was about pain and suffering — what causes human pain and suffering?

There are two causes:  craving and aversion.

Craving:  I want more of something — I want more money, more time, more sex, more love; I am desirous of something I don’t have.

Aversion: I hate what I have — I hate my addictive behavior, I hate the people I did my addiction with, I will never, ever, ever do that again.  I hate myself for having done that.

Vipassana teaches that we don’t have to experience craving or aversion; so how do we avoid them?  How do we avoid pain and suffering in our lives?

The crux of Vipassana teaching:  the nature of everything is that nothing stays the same; everything changes.

So for the first three days they focused on breathing.  No particular form of breathing is needed; just breathe.  Notice the breath.  Is it cool?  Warm?  When is it cool or warm?  Does the breath go in the left nostril only and go out the right nostril?  Notice everything about the breath.

On day four they focused on the body; scan the body, head to toe, with no judgment.  Is there pain?  Is there “gross” sensation like pain?  Is there “fine” sensation like tingling?  Feel each place in the body and notice whether it’s a gross sensation or a fine sensation, and just notice it without judging.  Just observe it.

She has been able to take this tool into her everyday life, now, and it’s become second nature to her.  For example, let’s say someone comes to her house and says “why are there water stains on your dishes?”  Rather than getting angry or focused and obsessed on why did she say that?!!!, Brenda is now able to make note of it, observe it, and know “this too will change.”  She can let it go, that way.  She knows that even pain doesn’t last forever.  When she noticed her pain in her body, the next time she noticed it, it had changed — it wasn’t there, it was different, it had changed.  Nothing stays the same.

Brenda prides herself on being a good observer of people, and she noticed that on day 8 there were a few more tear-stained eyes than on previous days, and she could feel it:  there was rising tension, a prison riot in the air, among these people who were not allowed to speak to each other and who had been completely silent for the 8 days previous.  A release needed to happen.

And it did.   Some guy (wouldn’t you know it would be a guy) farted, and another guy snickered, then another, then the younger girls started giggling — or perhaps they were tittering — and then the whole group, men on one side, women on the other, erupted in wave upon wave of laughter.  One wave of riotous laughter would crescendo, like tidewaters…then recede…and crescendo again…and recede again…until eventually it all died down and the release and clearing were complete, and the tension dissipated completely.  When they were able to speak freely to one another, they all agreed this was a necessary and very helpful event.

What’s one thing that she’s most proud of herself about, from this experience?  The fact that she did it, for one thing — she accomplished this being in silence for 10 days, and didn’t back out; also, that she let go of control, and went and participated in the experience.  She let someone else take care of the kitties and the puppies at home, let someone else take care of the house, let someone else take care of her needs while she was there, allowed herself to be away from the comforts and distractions of hearth and home and husband, and allowed herself let go of control and have the experience.

Brenda would like to come back on the show after some more time passes and reflect a little more on how this is working for her in her everyday life.  I think that’s a great idea, so I’ll have her back on in maybe November or December.  If anyone has any questions for her during that upcoming show, she’d be happy to take them — or now, if anyone has anything, comments, questions, feedback — she’d be happy to respond at her email address above.

I so appreciate Brenda’s sharing!  I’d invite anyone with a comment to reply below.


Edit: Brenda emailed me today with the news that S.N. Goenka, who created Vipassana meditation, passed away late Sunday night, September 29, 2013.

after the show with Jean

I so appreciate Jean for sharing her life with us today, taking time out from clearing soggy boxes out of her basement to call in and talk for a while on Talking Stick Radio this morning.

Jean shared about cleansing and clearing, about the washed-out Colorado roads, about integration and how it’s not really “releasing,” but it is…and it’s not really “integrating,” but it is…it’s a simple choosing it, and allowing it…like ice melting in a glass of water.

What a beautiful metaphor; a stuck aspect is like a separated fragment of ourselves that might hurt us, we imagine, but it really won’t; it’s only an illusion.  She noticed a stuck aspect beginning to form in herself, one of “I’m not so sure I want to go to bed tonight!  What if I wake up to more bad news tomorrow like I did this morning?”…and part of herself stayed in that fear.

Like inviting the ice cube to melt into a glass of water, she invited that little frozen part of herself in…and allowed it to release itself, release the form that it was taking, to merge back in with all of who She is.

Ice melting into allowingness…rivers running out of their banks, carving new pathways down mountainsides, tearing right through old structures that seemed so safe, so solid, so reliable, so dependable, like roads built of concrete…road foundations, in places, completely gone now…and what will take their place?

We talked about the idea of “listening to yourself” and how that will be an area for more exploration.  When I’d studied mediation and conflict resolution until I thought I’d read just about everything there was to read about it, and took it all inside and worked on synthesizing it all, and wanted to understand it so deeply, so thoroughly, that I could tell a 2-year-old what “conflict resolution” was…what I came up with was one word:  listen.


Listen to the world around you.  Listen to the person who’s so mad at you, across the table from you.  Pay attention to the messages that come in to you, because they’re streaming in constantly:  can you listen?  Can you listen openly to the messages, no matter what form they take?  Maybe the messages come in the form of a bug crawling across the floor, an eagle circling in the sky, clouds in the shape of your dog’s head, a snippet of conversation overheard at Wal-Mart.

For the past ten years I’ve been asking myself:  how can I better listen to myself?  Because I could see that the message I was getting from my outer world was that I needed to listen…to me.  This is an area I’d like to explore more in the future because I agree with Jean:  this will be very important to us.

Jean kept the boxes in her basement “just in case,” she said, and even a year ago she got rid of all the boxes she’d kept “just in case we have to move out of this house.”  But more boxes took their place…and those were the ones she was carrying upstairs and out of the house for good, today.  “When we need them, we’ll have them.”

Now, that’s living in the now moment:  knowing that what I need to know, I will know when I need to know it; what I need to have, I will have, when I need to have it.  That is total and complete trust, and not living in the fear of  the past, or the fear of the future, of “will I have enough of this?  Oh, maybe I’d better save up…”

Now she has no choice:  the boxes have to go.

And with them goes the fear…replacing the fear, the New Energy that’s come in is trust in the now moment.

I released some energies myself this week and stepped into the un-knowingness of what the radio show will be…released the structure of the show, and opened myself up to Whatever Is, Is.  I told the story on air of knowing I needed to take new pictures of my talking stick, needed to do some intentional recalibration, and when I’d taken all the pictures and felt good about that, and opened up my car door to put my camera away, there was the reminder:  use your tobacco.  This is a Native process:  honor the Native way, and use your tobacco.

So I did.  I returned to the circle of the clan men sculptures and offered a little bit of tobacco in front of each one of them, expressing my gratitude for all of life, for being in this Now Moment.  Begin with gratitude.  This is the Native way.

In the Native way I was taught, Tobacco is for what you want to let go of, and Cedar is for what you want to bring in, the good things, to replace what you’ve let go of;  Sage is for clearing negativity, and Sweetgrass is for bringing in positive support from the spirit world.  When the tobacco burns, it burns out anything we release; bringing in cedar, we make tangible what it is we choose to bring in.

So now as we’re noticing what’s going, what’s clearing, what’s releasing, now as we’re taking the literal and the figurative soggy boxes out of our basements because we don’t need them anymore and really they CAN’T be there now…it’s no longer appropriate for fear in any disguise to be a part of our lives…how do we go on from here?  What replaces the fear?  What replaces broken roads, truckloads of busted cement, downed trees, piles of mud that don’t belong there?


What do we want to see created in our own lives now?

I choose balance.  I choose joy.  I choose new life, play, vigor, curiosity, and child-like simplicity.


This morning, moments before the show started, I was out walking my very big black dog around the little reservation town where I live.  Kids were everywhere…grandmas pushing grandchildren in strollers, kids on bikes over here, kids playing ball over there, kids on skateboards back there.  The four little boys on bikes wanted to pet my dog.  But they were a little bit afraid.  Actually they encouraged the littlest one on his tiny little bike to be the first to touch Kona, but it ended up none of them were brave enough to touch this big black furry dog that looks like a way overgrown teddy bear.


Right there where we stopped to let the kids on bikes meet Kona, I had to stop and take a picture of two little bitty cottonwood trees poking up through the pavement at the edge of the sidewalk.

I hadn’t seen these two little guys before, just two little cottonwood trees with trunks like a thick red thread.

This is the beginning of the New, right here.  New Energy is poking up through the most impossible little crevice, saying IT’S ME!!!  LOOK AT ME!!!  I EXIST!!!!  I AM HERE!!!!  LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL GREEN LEAVES!!!!  I LOVE THE RAIN, I LOVE THE SUN, I LOVE THE BREEZE, I LOVE THE CHILDREN, I LOVE THE DOG THAT JUST PEED ON ME…I AM!

And that’s how we go forward.  Living fully in I AM.


There are some MASSIVE changes going on at Talking Stick Radio, and in the world at large.  I’ve chosen a new blog theme, taken new pictures, I’m going in a new direction with the show and with my life in general, EVERYTHING is changing with me from the cellular level out, and this is simply one of the ways I’m seeing it made manifest in my daily life.

Last night I stopped in Winnebago, Nebraska, on the way home, and took some pictures at the Statue Garden, some of which will show up on various pages around the blog from time to time.  It was getting dark; I did what I could and drove home.

This afternoon I stopped again at the Statue Garden and took a few more pictures while the sun was blazing.  The Statue Garden, by the way, is located in the new section of Winnebago and is the “heart” of the new area.  It’s a circle of twelve statues, each statue representing one of the twelve Ho-Chunk clans.  At the east gate, stationed behind the Thunder Clan statue, there rises a great statue of a man with an eagle descending upon him.  Currently that Eagle Man is the picture that’s set at the background and at the top of the blog.

I took the talking stick around to various places to get the right mix of sun and contrast, sun and grass, sun and grass and talking stick, sun, talking stick and cedar, sun and statue, sun, statue and talking stick…and when I was finished taking pictures, I walked back to the car.

Opening the door, there, on the threshold of my front driver’s side door lay a wrapper — what?  What’s this?  I hadn’t dropped anything…

I picked it up.  It was the wrapper of tobacco rolling papers.

I hadn’t touched my tobacco in months.

tobacco Just how did it get there?  Then?

I’d been out walking around the circle taking pictures…my dog was the only one in the car…I keep a pouch of loose tobacco for ceremonial purposes in my car…the pouch of loose tobacco was way at the bottom of the driver’s side “door pocket”…this must have popped off the outside of the wrapper and landed on the threshold just then.

Hmm.  Tobacco.  Recalibrating everything.

I had forgotten the tobacco.

I wrapped up my camera and put it away, pulled the pouch of tobacco from its resting spot way down at the bottom of the door pocket, got back out of the car, and headed back toward the big Eagle Man statue.  I put some tobacco in my hand and felt gratitude for this reminder from the spirit world…for the reminder that this little internet radio show I’ve got going is bigger than me…gratitude that the spirit world is interested in my comings and goings…gratitude that I have the support of the twelve clans, and that they’re watching me, and watching out for me…gratitude for walking, gratitude for breathing, gratitude for being on the earth, gratitude for the sunny day, gratitude that I can do what I do…gratitude for all of it.

I sprinkled a little tobacco at the bottom of that statue, then went back out to the Thunder Clan man and sprinkled a little there, and all the way around the circle, honoring each one of the twelve clan statues with a little bit of tobacco and my gratitude.

I returned to the Eagle Man statue and put the last little bit of tobacco there, in gratitude.

And amazement.

The spirit world is working with this Recalibration, and with me, and with all that is coming next.  I have no clue what that is.  All I know is that change needed to be, I am willing to bring the change into my be-ing-ness, and I needed to remember the tobacco.

So I did.

And thus starts the Recalibration.

With gratitude and thanks, with breathing and connecting with the earth, and with a little reminder that Spirit Is Watching and Listening.

Yes, indeed.

As the Ho-Chunks would say, Pinagigi.  Thank You.

After the Show with Ilia Kavoukis

How do we face our fears? What do we do when there’s something really deep, dark, scary and yucky that has come up within us?

I like very much to talk about this because this comes up for all of us and it can be extremely challenging. It is always an occasion to gather one’s strength, center one’s self and set some time aside to feel and be with the feelings that come up.

I liken the work that we need to in these moments to that which we would offer to our best friend who came to us saying, “I really need someone to talk to. I need someone who will listen because I have something that I need to say out loud.” We give to ourselves what we would give to our best friend, or to a troubled teenaged son or daughter. We suspend all judgement. We don’t try to change the feelings, the truth that is emerging. We bear witness to it. We give it our level gaze of compassion and acknowledgement. In this way, we allow the deepest, darkest fears and feelings of shame to be expressed and then released.

Ilia Kavoukis, our guest on the show (, added the important point that we need to give ourselves permission to feel.  She brought the insight as well that addictions of all kinds are engaged in by us to keep ourselves from feeling our true feelings about ourselves. Ilia confessed that for her, even meditation and spirituality can be an escape from feeling. We need to ‘sit with our stuff.’ Most people believe that meditation is done to quiet the mind or still the mind’s thoughts. But before we reach that stillness, we need to first be fully present in non-judgement with the mind’s chatter and with any feelings that come up. For Ilia, the work is sitting and being present with what you are, what you’re feeling, and Talking Stick Radio adds, with what is true for you now.

I believe that ego plays a role in all of this and that ego needs to hear that it is safe.

Susan brought into the discussion the story told by Tobias ( of the snake in the road, which represents our fears, and the different ways of dealing with it. You can run from it, but then you won’t be able to move forward on your journey into wholeness and self-actualization. You can try to kill it, but you won’t be able to. You can try to ‘heal’ it or to ‘make it better’ and that won’t work either. The only way that you can really effectively engage with your fears is to acknowledge them and ask them what they have to tell you. Only in this way will you become fully sovereign and empowered.

Susan noted from her work as a mediator that when people come up with all kinds of stories about why and how and when, these are distractions from the impact of the feeling itself. BE with the feeling. Breathe and slow yourself down to the rhythm of the universe. You’ll feel it and it will feel infinitely calming and peaceful. Slow yourself down and allow yourself to fully acknowledge the feeling so that it can be fully expressed and then released. You have to go through it. The only way out is through.

So, as these feelings come up, we can go to this deep level of honesty with ourselves and this is so cleansing.

Ilia gave us a parting gem: “You have to be willing to cooperate with your own life.”




After the Show with Lisa McTavis – August 17, 2013

We began with Susan expressing how important it was for her lately to allow herself the time to do what she needed to do and chose to do. I concur heartily with that. Lisa gave a beautiful quotable line: “We are all the caretakers of our own well-being.”

Lisa shared with us that the book she has written really came from her Higher Self and she just followed along.

It begins with the idea that we’ve all been taught a huge lie that has been a part of our lives: everything good and worthwhile is outside of us. Absolutely not. It is actually totally the opposite of that: Everything that is good and worthwhile for us is within.

So the work is to get through the illusions and Lisa’s book can really help people to do that. A lot of the exercises in the book came from Lisa’s own experience working with herself and with clients. And this means that these are tried and tested exercises. Lisa’s advice about doing the exercises is to go slow and really apply the lessons and exercises to your life. She said, “They are simple, but there’s nothing about them that’s easy.”

Mistakes that we all make are part of the process of being alive. So we grow from our mistakes. We often hold unconscious fear about making mistakes… maybe I’ll lose… love, security, approval… a friend, etc.

We need to free ourselves from these unconscious fears.

Susan asked, “How do we love ourselves?” mentioning that it is a question that comes up fairly regularly on the Crimson Circle message board ( under the Community tab).

Lisa’s answer was that you break through the judgements and criticism by asking yourself, “How helpful is this?” And as you see that it isn’t actually realistic or helpful, you just let them go.

We realize that no one can do it for you; you are the only one who can actually give yourself love in any meaningful way.

Lisa said something profound again at the end of the show: “All that I need is me.” And it is only when we come to this point that we can truly feel safe, because we then do not need to rely on anyone else to affirm us, justify us, validate us…

Lisa’s book can be found at:

direct link at Balboa:
Amazon hard cover copy:

Amazon Kindle edition: